glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
