she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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