Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
We smell like vodka and hangover
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