yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
