weddingsv make me drug and hornr
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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