If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
