so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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