Duck Duck Cougar?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
