I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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