no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The Olympian is in my bed
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
