I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
