I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
