id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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