She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
being pregnant is like rehab
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
