I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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