were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
