your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
