after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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