So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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