i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize