textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
