he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
