She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
