I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
