I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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