Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
