just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize