Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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