I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
