I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
