so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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