I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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