I just threw up on my dentist
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
