It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize