If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
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