I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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