Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
