when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I want a musical about memes.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
