Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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