I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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