tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize