ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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