My nipple is on Facebook.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
