"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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