I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
