Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
if only i could text you this smell
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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