my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize