The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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