he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
