Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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