I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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