Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
