I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
