You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
