I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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