I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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