Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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