she looked like the before picture.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
