just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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