The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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