she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Randomize
