You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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