i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
