No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
