so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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