Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
