I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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