whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
