i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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