I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
